1
00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:05,719
DOORS OPEN

2
00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:07,399
'PACHELBEL'S CANON'
PLAYS

3
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,120
GENTLE CHATTER

4
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,040
Lad!

5
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:22,319
You ready?
More than I'll ever be.

6
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:25,119
I wanna thank you
for being so patient with me,

7
00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:26,760
not wanting
to have sex before marriage.

8
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,480
WHISPERS: Tonight, I'm all yours.
Every inch of me.

9
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,200
Let's crack on, lad.

10
00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:38,319
MAN: Tiny little fella, you,
aren't ya? Eh?

11
00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,079
How tall are ya?

12
00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:44,239
5' 2".
Nah, no way you're 5'2".

13
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,679
Yeah, thought so. 5'1".

14
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GASPING What?

15
00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:49,639
You said you were 5'2".

16
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I am. On a good day, like.

17
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God, I'm sorry. I can't.
I can't go under 5'2".

18
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GASPING No, please!

19
00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:59,879
No, don't go!
I'll take you to San Carlo.

20
00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,679
Anything, please!
Get her back.

21
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:04,520
Shame that. Lovely arse on her.

22
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:09,080
And the 2026
Ballon d'Or winner is...

23
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,599
...Reece Duffy!

24
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CHEERING,
MO EXCLAIMS

25
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:16,719
MUSIC: 'Freed From Desire'
by Gala

26
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MO SHOUTS,
APPLAUSE

27
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Nice one.

28
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My lad!
HOODED MAN: Ah-ah-ah!

29
00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,239
Hang on, hang on.
MUTTERING

30
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:27,919
Look, I'm-I'm sorry,

31
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,719
but I'm-I'm afraid there's something
you all have to see.

32
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What?

33
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,559
SHOUTING ON VIDEO

34
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'Yes, lad, yes!'

35
00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:38,479
BOY SHRIEKS,
AUDIENCE GASPS

36
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:39,919
'He's seven!'

37
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'Is he? He's a bit big for seven.'

38
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:45,559
'Bet everyone's big to you, lad.'
'Have that, you little mushroom.'

39
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,719
AUDIENCE GASP,
GROAN

40
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,439
GUEST: Get off the stage!
BOOING

41
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GUEST: Get him off. Get off!

42
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,679
You should be ashamed
of yourself, lad. No!

43
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BOOING CONTINUES

44
00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:57,639
Get him out of here!

45
00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:59,919
? Hush little baby
Don't say a word... ?

46
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,479
Why do you keep doing this?
? Daddy's gonna buy you... ?

47
00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,360
Who are you? Show your face!
? A mockingbird. ?

48
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,959
Wait! No, no, no!

49
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:15,360
DARREN:
A diamond ring... ?

50
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:17,999
What are you doing in my house?!

51
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,919
The father and son didn't need words
when they were reunited.

52
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Their hug said everything.

53
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I do need words.

54
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Fuck off! Mum!

55
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Mum!

56
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It's all right! It's only me!

57
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:39,319
What have you done
to your hair, soft lad?

58
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:40,759
It's a mid-fade.

59
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,360
A mid-fade or a mid-life crisis?

60
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,879
Cheers for the confidence boost (!)
SHE CHUCKLES

61
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:48,879
Come on, scooch.
PHONE RINGS

62
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,559
Oh, hang on. Er, hello.

63
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,959
Mum! Mum! Mum!

64
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,000
What is he doing here?

65
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:03,119
Look, son. I've been wanting
to tell you this for a while now,

66
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,240
but I just...
I couldn't find the right time.

67
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The DNA company mixed up
your results.

68
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Darren's your real dad.

69
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,279
Ha-ha! I knew it!

70
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,759
Thank you! Thank you!

71
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,839
No, no, no, no, no, Darren. No.

72
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I'm just...
I'm winding our Reece up.

73
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REECE EXHALES HEAVILY

74
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,559
Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?
Oh, Jesus wept.

75
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Look, Darren got in touch
a few months ago.

76
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He's been really struggling.

77
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Anyway, last night,
he got kicked out of his flat,

78
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so I told him he can have
our spare room for a bit.

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Please, son.

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You know, last night,
I spent my last 20 quid

81
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,279
on a custom OnlyFans video

82
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just so I could hear
a complete stranger say my name.

83
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Like I mattered.

84
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But she called me Darryl.

85
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Yes! Hey!

86
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And your mum said,
me and you, we can get bunk beds.

87
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No.
Darren!

88
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DARREN WHEEZES
No.

89
00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:12,679
No-one is taking Reece away
from me again.

90
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,439
Not this time.
What?

91
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:18,799
You are not his dad, all right?

92
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,079
Promise me you won't be his dad.

93
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:22,959
Don't wanna be his dad.
Great!

94
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,959
Now you're letting
Disneyland Darren move in.

95
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,239
You're on fire, Mum.

96
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,159
I didn't exactly plan all of this.

97
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,359
Just, everything's starting
to feel so different.

98
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:34,679
I know.
It feels different for me, too.

99
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:40,319
But just because it feels different
doesn't mean anything has to change.

100
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:42,320
It's still me and you, kiddo.

101
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,759
And, yeah, occasionally now,

102
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you might hear me
in the dead of night,

103
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screaming,
"Deeper, Dunny! Go deeper!"

104
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,200
You are despicable, you know.

105
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,439
You shagged her yet?
Absolutely none of your business.

106
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:57,880
Don't worry, brother.

107
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:01,079
You're good with your words
but shit with your cock.

108
00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,919
I'm bad with my words,
but I let my cock do the talking.

109
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,399
I am an absolute cocksman!

110
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Tell you what,

111
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I'd be willing to give you
a shagging masterclass, if you like.

112
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:16,039
Yeah. Jodie's likes, Jodie's
dislikes. You know, mates' rates.

113
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,599
No! Brothers' rates.

114
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,679
You know what's mad?

115
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:25,560
I still remember
exactly how to make her come.

116
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DARREN SNORTS
Mad, the brain, innit?

117
00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:32,240
Come on.

118
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,839
Right, how can you be an ally?
I'm gonna show you.

119
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Global forced displacement
is at a record high.

120
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,399
Are you aware
of the shocking statistics?

121
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,919
This is all I've got.
Er, that'll do.

122
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,239
Me need monies for foodings. Please!

123
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,119
Thank you
for your generous donation.

124
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Monies for foodings! Please!

125
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:59,079
You can do your bit to combat
world hunger by opening your mouth.

126
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And here it comes!

127
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CHUCKLING

128
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One, two, three...

129
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,159
Oh, and I'm sorry, lad.

130
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:09,999
You knew Queen Victoria
ruled from 1837 to 1901,

131
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:13,319
but you didn't know the exact
temperature in Buckingham Palace

132
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,039
on her birthday in 1885.

133
00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,479
Down you go.

134
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,359
I told you to go 21 degrees, lad.

135
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,439
Sir, Sir, he has done it again.

136
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,879
You kindly allowed us to celebrate
Refugee Awareness Week,

137
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,599
and now look at him.

138
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,439
Reece, this stops now.

139
00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:29,479
In fact, I'd like you
to help her this week.

140
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,759
I really think you'll benefit.
No, no, no, Sir.

141
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,599
I do not want him
anywhere near me this week.

142
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It's the only way he's gonna learn,
I'm afraid.

143
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,959
See it as a chance
to gain a new perspective,

144
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:42,119
to understand
on a deeper level what...

145
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,759
poor little lads like this
have to go through.

146
00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:48,159
Sir, that's Aaron.
Mo's cousin in Year 9.

147
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Yes.

148
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:54,239
And until I see a welcome shift
in your attitude, Reece,

149
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:55,759
you're off the school football team.

150
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:56,879
SHE GIGGLES

151
00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:00,079
Nah, Sir, it's the semis this week.
Mr Finley's not gonna have it, lad.

152
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,759
Who's gonna play up top? Mo?
He doesn't work for the team.

153
00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,280
Me score many goaling!

154
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:08,840
MO LAUGHS

155
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:13,399
Where's your apron?

156
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,840
Some Year 10 lad's wearing it.
He's on work experience. Why?

157
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:21,439
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
What?

158
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,119
Get the apron!

159
00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:24,399
Get the apron!
What?

160
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,520
Get the apron!

161
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:30,079
'Ey, a whole week with The Brimble,
though. That's torture, lad.

162
00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:34,559
Nah, him listening through the walls
as Mr Dunn pounds his ma all week,

163
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:35,639
that's torture.

164
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:39,719
Lad, I just can't believe Dunny's
coming inside your actual ma.

165
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,839
Oh, Mo!
Lads, shut up.

166
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,799
I don't want
the whole school finding out.

167
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,679
Eurgh! Mr Dunn's a perv.

168
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,559
He's just given me a note saying,

169
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,239
"Fancy some alone time
with Mr Dunn tonight?"

170
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,479
JEERING,
SHOUTING

171
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,159
That's disgusting.

172
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,279
Hang on a minute, you lot.
Pipe down. Pipe down!

173
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,359
Mr Dunn is not a perv.

174
00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:01,799
EXHALES

175
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,759
That note was meant for me.

176
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:05,479
STUDENTS EXCLAIM,
CHATTER

177
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,759
Ah, as if!
Mr Dunn's shagging Reece's ma!

178
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:11,079
LAUGHTER

179
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:14,519
? Dunny's shagging your ma!
Dunny's shagging your ma!

180
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,879
? Stand up
If Dunny's shagging your ma

181
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,599
? Dunny's shagging your ma... ?

182
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,679
I think you need to stand up.

183
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,239
? Stand up
If Dunny's shagging your ma

184
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:26,559
? Dunny's shagging your ma
Dunny's shagging your ma

185
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:27,919
? Stand up

186
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,159
? If Dunny's shagging your ma... ?
Er, actually... son.

187
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:33,479
You can sit back down.
We haven't done that yet.

188
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,559
Shh!
GROANING

189
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:37,559
Unlucky, yeah? Unlucky.
MUTTERING

190
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,639
We have done some stuff.

191
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,479
JEERING

192
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,399
Ohhhhh!

193
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:47,039
? Dunny's fingering your ma
Dunny's fingering your ma

194
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,519
? Stand up
If Dunny's fingered your ma

195
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,959
? Dunny's fingering your ma
Dunny's fingering your ma... ?

196
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:55,599
Oi-oi, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
No. We haven't done that.

197
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,079
What?
MUTTERING

198
00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,679
Oh, Jo, I expected more from you,
you know.

199
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:01,440
Mm.

200
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:03,599
I know.

201
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:07,440
? Dunny's felt your ma's tits
Dunny's felt your ma's tits. ?

202
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:16,759
CHEERING

203
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,799
? Dunny's felt your ma's tits
Dunny's felt your ma's tits

204
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,359
? Stand up
If Dunny's felt your ma's tits

205
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,799
? Dunny's felt your ma's tits
Dunny's felt your ma's tits

206
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,479
? Stand up
If Dunny's felt your ma's tits. ?

207
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:29,560
GIGGLES

208
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:36,679
'Ey, would you rather do
Bonnie Blue's 1,000 men in 12 hours

209
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:39,720
or Mr Dunn making gentle love to you
for 12 hours?

210
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,399
I'd genuinely rather do
a thousand men. Mm.

211
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:44,440
PHONE CHIMES

212
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:46,679
Oh, my God.

213
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:48,959
They're casting
for a Cilla Black musical biopic.

214
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,359
And it's an open call!

215
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,239
You're Scouse, ginger.
What more do they want?

216
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:53,440
AIMEE SQUEALS

217
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,359
Hiya, Dad.
WAYNE: Hiya, love.

218
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,719
All right, Wayno.
All right, Mia.

219
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,959
"To be considered,
please send us a short video

220
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,479
"telling us a bit about yourself,
who you are and what you love."

221
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,239
For fuck's sake, I hate these.
Why?

222
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,959
Because I can hardly tell the truth,
can I?

223
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,639
Hi, I'm Aimee Morris.

224
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:13,039
I couldn't name a Cilla Black song
if my life depended on it,

225
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,519
and I once rated dick pics
on Room4Fans.

226
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,279
Were you aware
there's a surprisingly high amount

227
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,919
of circumcised penises
in the Merseyside area?

228
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,400
THEY LAUGH

229
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,360
EERIE VOCALISING,
THUNDER RUMBLES

230
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:36,719
I don't know this new country.
I don't speak its words.

231
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,719
What if I never belong in the UK?

232
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:45,599
It's OK. I was once like you.
I too have felt that fear.

233
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:49,519
When I moved from Sheffield
to Liverpool in Year 9, I was lost.

234
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,799
New slang, new buses.
They even laughed at my accent.

235
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:56,679
But now I do belong,
and so will you.

236
00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:58,359
THUNDER RUMBLES
Where is Mama?

237
00:10:58,360 --> 00:10:59,559
STUDENT: Is that Reece?

238
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,639
Back home, they called me a doctor,
now they'll call me a problem.

239
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,319
Mama? Is that you?
LAUGHTER

240
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:09,119
You are not a problem.
You are an asset to the nation.

241
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:13,079
Storm bad. We sinkings, Mama.

242
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:14,959
Sacrifice yourself, Mama.

243
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,399
The storm is really settling.
You lie, Mama!

244
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,519
I no lie!
LAUGHTER

245
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,599
Who on boat thinks Mama should jump?

246
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,240
STUDENTS CLAMOUR

247
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,999
Look, Mama, a prophecy!
Reece, give it back.

248
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,079
No, please, Mama!
Reece, give that back!

249
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:32,119
Ah!
Oh!

250
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,879
GASPING Mama?

251
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:37,160
I'll etch your name into
the undercarriage of a lorry, Mama.

252
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:39,679
MUSIC STOPS

253
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,719
Why do you have to be
so selfish, Reece?

254
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,159
As long as you get your laugh,
nothing else matters, does it?

255
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:45,799
But what about those of us
who do care?

256
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,399
Do you even think
what it's like for them

257
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,760
to see you tear it down
like it's nothing?

258
00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:55,319
STUDENT: He's gone too far, him.

259
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,000
Lad, you said you could do it.

260
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,039
Whoa-ho, there!
There we go. There we...

261
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:01,199
Go on, go on. Do a minute. Oh!

262
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,599
Ahhhh!
LAUGHTER

263
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,919
It's my shoes!
It's my shoes, lad, I promise.

264
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,479
Can Mia-Louise do more kick-ups
than cocks she's had this year?

265
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,239
Still a long way to go.
AIMEE: Go on, girl!

266
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:14,079
Oh, my God, no comeback? Ooh!
Oh, my God...

267
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,959
You're right.
I haven't got my comeback.

268
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,999
It's still stuck on your ma's face
from last night.

269
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,679
BOYS: Ohhhhh!
She's back. She's back.

270
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,559
'Ey, can you do that again?

271
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:26,520
Oh, my gosh, look, she can do this.

272
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:29,039
Oh, my God.

273
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,599
What?
OK.

274
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,239
Funny how you bang on
about Arne Slot, Mo,

275
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:37,199
calling him the Slot Machine
when I heard you couldn't get it up,

276
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,959
and it was like trying to put
a marshmallow in a slot machine.

277
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,479
Ahhhh!
LAUGHTER

278
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,119
That's rumours.
Lad, they're rumours!

279
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,040
They're rumours!

280
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:49,999
CONNOR GASPS
Sick.

281
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,879
That's sick.
What?! Oh, my God!

282
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,239
Christopher,

283
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,519
sometimes, Aimee still thinks
she has feelings for you.

284
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:57,759
Really?

285
00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,159
And then I remind her you once ate
chicken wings with a fork

286
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:01,719
and they completely go away.

287
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,319
JEERING I didn't have any wipes!

288
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,919
I didn't have any wipes.
LAUGHTER

289
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:08,599
Off you pop, boys.
I have no time for tears.

290
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,239
Ohhhh!
No, that is sick!

291
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,960
'Ey, Mia-Louise, it's kind of sexy.

292
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:24,559
I've just spent the last ten minutes
in Disneyland Darren's room

293
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:27,239
perfecting our secret best-mate handshake.

294
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,239
There's 11 moves...
and a sound effect.

295
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,799
Look, it's just for a few weeks,
I promise.

296
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:33,999
Anyway, I'm really glad

297
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,119
I've got the two of youse
here together because...

298
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,439
Reece, there's something really
important I wanna talk to you about.

299
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:45,359
As you know, Phillip...
has come to mean an awful lot to me,

300
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,960
and so we've decided to move forward
together as a family.

301
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,599
I know he cares about us deeply.

302
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:57,880
Because while blood might make
someone a father, Reece...

303
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:03,919
...it's the heart of this man,
right here,

304
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,760
that makes him your dad.

305
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,999
SHE CACKLES

306
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,719
Mum! Should have seen the look
on both your faces!

307
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,160
THEY EXHALE

308
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,800
SONG: 'Fix You'

309
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:31,039
? Lights will guide

310
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:33,879
? You home

311
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:38,319
? And ignite

312
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:40,959
? Your bones

313
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:46,280
? And I will try

314
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:52,199
? To fix you. ?

315
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,080
MUSIC FADES,
SCATTERED APPLAUSE

316
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:03,279
Look... I wanna say sorry
about yesterday.

317
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:04,679
I mean, I do think you take things

318
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:06,439
way too far
that they become laughable...

319
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:07,679
Is this meant to be an apology?

320
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,839
No. What I'm saying is, I know
there's a serious issue behind it.

321
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,119
So I asked Habib and Saghar
who live on my estate

322
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,599
if they'll come in and talk.

323
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,639
I mean, if people hear
from actual refugees

324
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:17,759
that are smashing life,

325
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,639
then it might show people
that, you know,

326
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,119
refugees do bring something
to society.

327
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:25,039
Thank you. I'll host.

328
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:28,759
Just give me five minutes to, er,
come up with some questions.

329
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,119
Come on.

330
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,360
DISTANT GIGGLING

331
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,639
I need to know his weaknesses.
What are you doing here?!

332
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:38,359
I mean, I know his cock's one,
but what else? I don't know.

333
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:40,599
So you don't think
he's got any weaknesses? Hm?

334
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,079
You think he's perfect, do you?
Do you love him?

335
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:44,919
No, I don't love him.
Oh, so you hate him.

336
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:48,319
I don't hate him either.
Will you make your mind up, son?!

337
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:50,280
You're toying
with people's lives here!

338
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:57,999
Jodie? Jodie, listen to me.
Just one drink at the social.

339
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,879
Come on. It's for your 40th.
JODIE: 'Fine.'

340
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:04,319
But will you relax? It's like
you're desperate to impress me.

341
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:05,799
You've already got me, Dunny.

342
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,359
All right, see you later.
Where are you going?

343
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,799
Oh, I'm just off
to see my ex-boyfriend Hank.

344
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:12,999
When I said we were seeing
each other, he was desperate

345
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,519
for a bit of break-up sex, so...

346
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:15,999
What?
I'm only joking.

347
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,359
He's not my ex.
I've got you both on the go.

348
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:19,839
All right.
Bye!

349
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,039
She's gone.

350
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:25,439
OK, could you start
by introducing yourselves?

351
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:29,639
Yes, er, my name, er, Habib.
Er, I am from Eritrea.

352
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,919
I've been here refugee five year.

353
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:35,399
My name is Saghar from Afghanistan.
Refugee four year.

354
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,799
You call yourself refugees.

355
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:42,519
I call you strong,
courageous, victorious.

356
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:45,279
I call you woman
with beautiful pig face.

357
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:47,560
SCATTERED LAUGHTER
Thank you. I'm...

358
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:52,479
Could you talk about your
successful lives here in the UK?

359
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:58,479
Yes. I work very hard seven year,
and now I qualify doctor here.

360
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:00,959
APPLAUSE Amazing, Saghar.

361
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,159
But then my husband come
as refugee too,

362
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,479
and he say I not be a doctor.

363
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:09,280
I stay in house, I cook for him,
I his properties.

364
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,519
BOTH: Because woman have
smaller brain than men.

365
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,039
LAUGHTER

366
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,039
Habib?

367
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:19,919
Could you speak about how dangerous
it was back in Eritrea,

368
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,679
that you had no choice
other than to leave?

369
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:26,399
Hell on Earth. A place where despair
consumed every shred of hope.

370
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,839
I cannot even begin to fathom.

371
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,879
Because wi-fi very inconsistent,
and avocados not very ripe.

372
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,079
It's not nice.

373
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,759
What about the war?

374
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,559
No, no, no.
War... War very far away from me.

375
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,999
I only say I in war
to come to the UK

376
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,799
to get the money for doing nothings.

377
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:47,119
The UK very, very kind for this.
Thank you, Mr Two-Tiers Keir.

378
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:48,960
LAUGHTER

379
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,519
They're not refugees, are they?

380
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:56,199
Nah. That's Harry and Nadia.
Born and bred Scousers.

381
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,839
SCOUSE ACCENT:
Cheers, lad, nice one.

382
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,399
SCOUSE ACCENT: See you later, Reece.
You're right, Reece, lad.

383
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,559
It was funny.
Why can't you just let me do this?

384
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:05,319
Cos you have to make yourself be
the main character all the time.

385
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:08,199
It's called caring. The world
can't be full of Reece Duffys.

386
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,159
Selfish, no conscience, no guilt.

387
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,679
Imagine that. Be sick.
We'd all just crack on!

388
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:15,559
Yeah. All just living an easy life
with no consequences,

389
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,999
because that's how you like it,
isn't it, Reece?

390
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,719
Or never trying, never stepping
out of your comfort zone

391
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,479
so then you never have to fail.

392
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,719
But I have to do this.

393
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:28,040
Do you understand that? I have to.

394
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:35,559
? I can't always be... ?

395
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,159
But I'm absolutely knackered.

396
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,159
I've got to go to work
early tomorrow.

397
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,280
ALL: Surprise!

398
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,840
Thank you.
SHE SQUEALS

399
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,199
Mum. You look lovely.
Love you.

400
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,440
Ah, love you.

401
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:54,359
You all right, Jode?
All right, Callum? Where's your mum?

402
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:56,279
Oh, she, er,
she said she's coming later.

403
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,000
OK.

404
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:01,119
Shall we get you something to eat?

405
00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:03,320
Yeah.
Yeah? OK. Come on.

406
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,999
Ooooooooh!

407
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,679
A surprise party.
What do you want, a medal?

408
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,599
You know what's no surprise, mate?

409
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:19,520
The fact that your cock
still hasn't been in her fanny.

410
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,519
It's fucking lovely in there, mate.

411
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,839
Right! This stops now!

412
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,479
You wanna take my son.

413
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,519
You wanna take
what means most to me,

414
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:33,679
well, then, I'm gonna take
what matters most to you.

415
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:36,680
MUSIC: 'September'
by Earth, Wind and Fire

416
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,320
INAUDIBLE

417
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,120
HE SNIFFS

418
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:56,239
Prick!

419
00:19:56,240 --> 00:20:00,679
Lad, you've gone from no dads
to three dads.

420
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,639
THEY LAUGH

421
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,119
Hey, rank them, lad.

422
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:07,399
ALL: Rank them. Rank them.
Rank them! Rank them! Rank them!

423
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,839
All right, all right, all right.

424
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,639
I mean, I guess three's got to be
the biological bellend, like.

425
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,319
MUSIC STOPS,
MICROPHONE FEEDBACK

426
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,799
Hello, everybody.

427
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:20,479
My name's Darren,
and I'm an old friend of Jodie's.

428
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:21,799
PARTYGOERS: Aw!

429
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:26,359
Well, a while ago now I, er...
well, I hit rock bottom.

430
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:29,159
I thought there was nothing left
of me worth saving.

431
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:33,959
And then along came
this incredible woman.

432
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,039
PARTYGOERS: Aww.

433
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,079
YOU pulled me from the wreckage.

434
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:42,039
You saw something in me
when I couldn't see it in myself.

435
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:46,960
And because of that, you and I
will always share something real.

436
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,639
TEARFULLY: Happy birthday, Jodie.

437
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,000
APPLAUSE

438
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,320
What a load of bollocks.

439
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,199
Goose bumps, lad.

440
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:02,559
Er, hi, everyone.

441
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,879
I just wanted to say a few words
about my Jodie.

442
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,159
PARTYGOERS: Aw.

443
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,120
You see,
it wasn't a spark reigniting...

444
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:13,160
...it was a flame
that had never gone out.

445
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,479
A true connection.

446
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:17,879
Aww.

447
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:21,079
APPLAUSE

448
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,439
Aw, impressive
from your favourite dad.

449
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:26,079
Shut up, lad.

450
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,600
We all know a true connection...

451
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,840
...can only ever fully be achieved...

452
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,839
...when those two people
have shagged.

453
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,919
MUSIC: 'Pony'
by Ginuwine

454
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:40,120
TED: Oh, my God.

455
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:42,999
REECE: I'm not watching.

456
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,759
Wait, wait, wait, lad,
he's about to give your ma a lappie!

457
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:49,279
No, he's not, lad!
EXCITED CHATTER

458
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,039
Please tell me this isn't happening.

459
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,759
CHEERING

460
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,719
PARTYGOER: Go 'ead, Daz!

461
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:57,840
Oh, my God!

462
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,559
The belt's off!

463
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,600
He looks like Hercules.

464
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:05,880
Go on, Darren!

465
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,600
CONNOR: Lad, that's what
he's gonna do to your ma!

466
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:13,519
My mouth's watering.

467
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,519
Oh, my God, this is...

468
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,440
LAUGHTER

469
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:21,479
Ah, that's your mum.

470
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,680
I wish I was in that chair.

471
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,119
CHEERING Go on, lad!

472
00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:30,879
WHISTLING

473
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:32,759
MO: He's 69ing your ma!

474
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:36,120
He's 69ing your ma!

475
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:42,280
Whoo!

476
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:45,919
CHANTING: Darren! Darren!

477
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:47,240
That's mine.

478
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,280
Go on, Disneyland!

479
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:56,199
Oh, he's number one, lad.
He is number one.

480
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,919
OK.

481
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,719
Maybe a true connection
does require physical chemistry,

482
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:03,840
but it also requires
emotional chemistry.

483
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:06,960
Ahhh!

484
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:10,359
Go on, Sir.

485
00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:12,319
Jodie, I can be a cocksman,
I promise you that.

486
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:15,959
I see the real you,
unlike this Disneyland twat.

487
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:17,919
PARTYGOERS: Oh!

488
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:19,280
MO: Hey, lad, he's smooth with it.

489
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,079
OK, his dance was hot.

490
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,719
He's one sexy Manc.

491
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,879
But tonight, he'll go home
for a sad, lonely wank.

492
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,319
CHEERING

493
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:35,079
I'll give you a masterclass
that'll make you... moan.

494
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,799
And I see the strength it took
to raise this kid alone.

495
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,000
Get off, lad.

496
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:43,359
How is he a teacher?

497
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:47,479
I'll rock your world...
all through the night.

498
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:51,920
But having you by my side
sets my soul alight.

499
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:54,159
Oh!

500
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,680
CHEERING

501
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:01,319
CHANTING: Dunny! Dunny!

502
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:07,039
There is not a doubt in my mind
that you are getting it tonight.

503
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:08,959
BOYS EXCLAIM

504
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:10,519
PHONE RINGS

505
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,640
Oh, sorry, love.
I better take that.

506
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:16,159
Hiya.

507
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:18,240
I think I might have
over-promised a bit there.

508
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,319
Oh, no.

509
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,719
OK.

510
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:25,240
Yeah, no problem. Tonight?

511
00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:27,760
All right.

512
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:31,560
What is it, Mum?
Don't worry, son.

513
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,280
You all right?

514
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,519
Listen, your mummy's had
to go away for a little bit.

515
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,120
Why?

516
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:46,119
Do you wanna come and stay
with me and Reece tonight? Yeah?

517
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:49,120
We'll have a sleepover.
We'll get some snacks.

518
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,719
It's OK. Come here.

519
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,600
VOICE BREAKING:
It's all right. Come here.

520
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,280
It'll be all right.

521
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:08,439
So, let's Socially Injust-This,

522
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,399
sponsored this week
by Voltage Energy Bars,

523
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,839
packed with protein for when
you're fleeing your home

524
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:17,359
and your treacherous journey takes
an unexpected turn for the worse.

525
00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:23,079
So, this week has been
all about refugee awareness.

526
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:27,439
? Don't stop believin'... ?

527
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:30,919
? Sowing the seeds of love... ?

528
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:32,479
RECORD SCRATCHES

529
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:36,639
? We are family

530
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,159
? I got... ?

531
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:41,799
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's Reece Duffy,

532
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,839
the boy who never lifts a finger
to help

533
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,479
but always has the energy
to criticise those of us who do.

534
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:47,839
Er, please.
All right.

535
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,639
Fairs, I should be doing more,
and I'm gonna try.

536
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:52,719
I swear.

537
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,279
But it's not gonna be for issues
that are miles away

538
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:58,079
that get hashtags
and sound all noble.

539
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:01,039
Cos what about the causes
closer to home?

540
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,239
A friend of my ma
got sectioned yesterday

541
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,439
for trying to kill herself.

542
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,680
She's an alcoholic,
and she's got two kids.

543
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:10,319
Imagine that.

544
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,919
Alcohol destroying your brain
that much

545
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,359
that you think leaving your kids
like that is the best option.

546
00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:17,879
And what happens to them now?

547
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,439
They've got no dad.
What's their future?

548
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,479
Maybe we focus on causes
that are far away

549
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,199
cos then we don't have to face
anything too real.

550
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,199
And, look, I'm not saying
let's ignore the world's problems.

551
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,960
What I'm saying is why don't
we help what's closer, too?

552
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,319
Cos if we're closer to it,

553
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,239
isn't that where we can make
the greatest difference?

554
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:41,080
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

555
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:44,320
Nice one.

556
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:51,359
Hey, there she is!

557
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:53,559
Hey, erm, hey!

558
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,559
We put that video up on TikTok
of you doing kick-ups

559
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,999
and destroying us,
and it has blown up.

560
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:02,079
Pow. I've called it
Kick-ups And Put-downs.

561
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,559
Look at the comments.
"She ate them up."

562
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,359
"She should do
a Cruyff turn and burn."

563
00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:08,959
We need to do more!
Yes.

564
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,719
Give us the ball, then.

565
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:12,680
Really?
CHUCKLING

566
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,039
Ah, lads, she's sick!

567
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,359
EXCITED CHATTER

568
00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:24,240
Hey, you look like you're about
to be cast in the remake of Moana.

569
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:29,159
LAUGHTER

570
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:30,479
Go on, show us the video.

571
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:31,880
Reece?

572
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:37,199
What you said about, why don't
we focus on what's close to us?

573
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:38,999
Annoyingly,
maybe you've got a point.

574
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:43,520
Sometimes, everyday life
is just... messier.

575
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:46,959
We can agree on that, Brimble.

576
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,559
Any chance of talking to Meachy
to get me back on the footie team?

577
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,999
Maybe. Because even I know
playing Mo up front doesn't work.

578
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,359
No hold-up play, no pressing.

579
00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:57,799
You're basically asking
to be overrun in transition.

580
00:27:57,800 --> 00:27:58,879
CHUCKLES

581
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:00,679
? I know that I'm your homie... ?

582
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:02,039
See you in a bit.

583
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,039
? I ain't just gonna let that go. ?

584
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:08,479
Hey, Wayne.
You know that disease you have?

585
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,199
Is it the same one
that Stephen Hawkings fella had?

586
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,439
Like, you're gonna start talking
like a robot an' that?

587
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:14,919
Different one, that, love.

588
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:18,679
That's MND. I've got MS.

589
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,439
Oh.
PHONE CHIMES

590
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:23,079
I just got an email
from the Cilla casting people.

591
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:24,879
They want me to come
to the audition days

592
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:26,319
they're having in Liverpool.

593
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:28,639
I thought you didn't send a video.
I didn't. Look.

594
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:29,720
That was me.

595
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:33,039
What?! Show me now!

596
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:34,599
LAUGHTER

597
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,319
So, do I just lie?

598
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:40,879
POSH VOICE: I'm Eleanor Ponsonby,
I fell in love with performance

599
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:43,759
aged three when I played a snowflake
in The Nutcracker.

600
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:48,199
Of course, I've never seen a penis,
but I've won various awards

601
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,719
for my feminist monologues
about them.

602
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:52,159
AIMEE CHUCKLES
ON VIDEO

603
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:54,039
Look, I had to send it in

604
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,119
because she didn't see the point
in applying.

605
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,199
She thought she wouldn't stand out.

606
00:28:58,200 --> 00:28:59,719
And that kills me.

607
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,239
Cos I've seen what she can do.
She's amazing.

608
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:06,959
And this,
it's all she's ever wanted.

609
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,479
I really, really hope
you can see what I see.

610
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:11,999
Thank you.

611
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,199
Oh, my God.

612
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,759
This is happening.
That's my girl.

613
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:19,240
Come here.

614
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:22,279
I need an outfit!

615
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,719
SHE CHUCKLES

616
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:26,799
AIMEE SQUEALS,
GIGGLES

617
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:28,759
You know how, like, a phone
after a few years,

618
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:31,079
just stops working and goes to shit?

619
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,600
What you've got's a bit like that,
innit, Wayno?

620
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:36,439
Yeah.

621
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,280
? So

622
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:41,799
? Anyone who had a heart

623
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:48,599
? Would take me in his arms
And love me, too, fool

624
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:52,479
? Couldn't be another heart
That hurt me

625
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:57,759
? Like you hurt me and be so untrue

626
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,999
? Anyone who had a heart
Would simply take me. ?

627
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:03,040
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628
00:30:03,090 --> 00:30:07,640
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